


Letters to Cayde

by HinataElyonToph



Series: Fireteam Venus [1]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Awoken Stormcaller, Cayde-6 - Freeform, Destiny 2, Destiny 2 Forsaken, Destiny 2 Forsaken spoilers, Devrim is best gay sniper grandpa, F/M, Gen, I mean we all know Cayde dies and Uldren killed him so is it really much of a spoiler at this point?, I miss him so much, Jo-Nora Sonj, Sundance - Freeform, Sundance is the name for Cayde's ghost and I think its adorable and fitting, Them creepy bastards, They're a pain in the ass to fight in Gambit, but he's hot tho so I'm confused, fuck Uldren, fuck the Scorn tho, letter format, letters to the deceased, protect Failsafe at all costs, she writes letters to Cayde after he's gone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-08-04 04:42:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16340042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HinataElyonToph/pseuds/HinataElyonToph
Summary: Like the letters he had written to his son Ace, Jo-Nora Sonj writes letters to her recently deceased lover, Cayde-6.Follows the plot of Destiny 2: Forsaken





	1. Why?

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno, I was finished playing Forsaken and I had so many feels that I had no place to express, so this kinda happened.
> 
> But yeah, if you didn't see all the tags about it, my Guardian (the one I play the most and the only one that I've played Forsaken on so far) is an Awoken Warlock that runs Stormcaller. Her name is Jo-Nora Sonj

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jo-Nora returns from the Prison of Elders alone. The Tower is still in shock.

Hey Cayde,

Ghost ~~insisted~~ suggested I keep a sort of diary to help get my thoughts out. At first I thought it wouldn't be of any help, and I could go about my life as if nothing were wrong or different. But Ghost knows me too well; he always seems to see through my bullshit. Yours too. I had that thought, and then I remembered when you shared those letters you wrote to Ace with me. So, I figured I could turn this sort of diary into a place where I could write letters to you. I know you won't be able to respond to them, just like Ace wasn't able to respond to yours, but maybe it can help clear my mind. And maybe, just maybe, you might hear the words wherever you are.

I'm not gonna lie, it still hasn't totally sunk in yet. That you're gone, I mean. It all seems like it's a really elaborate and gut-wrenching nightmare, and that I could wake up at any time and find you wisecracking over a bowl of spicy ramen like I usually do.

But I won't.

Because you're dead. The kind of dead that even us Guardians can't return from.

Your official funeral was yesterday. There was another one before that, but it was only for your Hunters to attend. Freya said they had a complete overnight vigil just for you. She wasn't going to go at first but I insisted that she did. Spend the time mourning with your fellow Hunters, I said. I knew she'd regret it later if she didn't. After a while, she'd agreed. I managed to catch a glimpse of it out of my apartment window. It was eerily beautiful, and I wished you could've seen it ( ~~but that would kinda defeat the purpose then, wouldn't it?~~ ). All the Hunters knelt in front of a shrine that someone had made for you in the plaza. Your picture was surrounded by white flowers and burning candles and incense. You would think that it wouldn't be your particular style, but it was fitting all the same.

I wanted so badly to go out there and join them, and Freya, but I knew better. This was the Hunters time to mourn their Vanguard leader. We had to give them that. They'd do the same for me if it had been Ikora instead of you. And then after the vigil was over, they threw a party, because they knew that's what you would've wanted. They invited everyone to that, but I didn't go. To me, it just wouldn't feel the same without you.

There was a meeting with the rest of the Vanguard. They asked me to attend, and this time I did. I walk into the conference room to find your body, covered by a Tower flag, on the table. Ikora and Zavala were arguing over what must be done next. Ikora wanted to pool all resources and instigate a system-wide manhunt for Uldren and the ones he helped escape. Honestly, it was something I never thought I'd hear coming from the logical Ikora, but I agreed with her. Something had to be done. We couldn't just leave it like this. Zavala, on the other hand, seemed to retreat even further into himself. I know (and you do too) that the Red Legion attack shook Zavala to the core. I think it humbled him a little, knowing that even with the Light, Guardians can still be vulnerable. A prime example being what happened to you. He insisted that the Guardians of the Tower will stay and continue their normal operations.

Ikora pretty much called him a coward to his face.

The all-inclusive funeral was the next day. Zavala, Ikora, Lord Shaxx, and Amanda all gave a few remarks about the time they spent with you. Part of me was worried that Ikora would try to throw shade in Zavala’s direction. I noticed that she hardly spoke to him after their argument. Giving him the cold shoulder, no doubt.

They wanted me to say a few words, too. Especially since I was the one with you when you…..when you left us. You'd think I wouldn't be surprised that they knew, given how fast word travels around here. You know how I am with talking, but I gave it my best. I told Ghost specifically that I needed to say the words, whatever they were. I didn't know what I _could_ say, really. Most everything had already been said, and I doubted anyone wanted to here the more...intimate aspects of what we were to each other. ~~No, get your mind outta the gutter, goofball.~~

Anyway, I finally managed to think of something after a few minutes of dead silence ~~(Dear Traveler, why did I have to say that?? But you're probably laughing your ass off in your grave. Sicko)~~ , but it took everything I had not to break down crying. I was upset at myself and the whole situation. I was beyond furious at Uldren. And I missed you. I missed you like crazy. Still do. And I catch myself trying to pin the blame on someone or something, including myself. I keep asking myself ‘why?’

Why wasn't I quick enough? Why did you go down there alone? Why didn't Petra check those cryopods first, if they were such high priority? Why didn't I put a bullet in Uldren’s head when I had the chance?! Why did it have to be you!?

WHY!?!?

Damn it all. Damn it all to hell.

Ghost is giving me a look; maybe I need to go calm down. Maybe going on patrol in the EDZ will distract me. And maybe I should go talk to Devrim. He always seems to know what to say.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. And I'll be taking care of Colonel for you. She's been slowly walking around the hangar for the past two days...I think she's looking for you. I've started bringing her up to my apartment...that way she won't get so lonely.

I guess...I guess I can take comfort in the fact that Ace is reunited with his dad now. And that you're all in a better place. Right? Right.

I love you, Caydie. Rest in Peace.

Your “Queen of Hearts”,

Jo-Nora <3


	2. Avoidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jo-Nora avoids her feelings like the plague.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For whatever reason, every time I went to work on this one, I'd get really sleepy. Idk.
> 
> Also, I should mention that Jo's Ghost is named...Ghost. She really liked the idea of a Ghost that was named Ghost, and he didn't really care, so long as she was happy. And she loves that it confuses the fuck out of everyone, especially Cayde.

Cayde,

 

Just got back from a long trip, both on and off planet. Had a lot of things to do. Ghost says I was just making excuses to avoid the Tower altogether. Umm, no? I'm back at the Tower aren't I? Clearly, I'm not avoiding it.

...okay, maybe I was avoiding it...but can you blame me?

Honestly, I’m not sure what pisses me off more; the fact that it’s been almost a week and Zavala and Ikora refuse to compromise on this whole situation, or that Prince Son-of-a-Bitch has the Ace of Spades and is off doing Traveler knows what without shame. It’s taken every ounce of restraint that I have not to throw something every time there’s a Vanguard meeting. Meanwhile, your killers are roaming freely and wreaking havoc in the Reef, with your prized cannon! It's...it's sickening!

The Tower has become a stressful environment. You can feel the tension in the air wherever you go. I think most are afraid either Zavala or Ikora will snap and try to kill each other. And if they didn’t, then I was sure _I_ was going to lose it and kill _both_ of them for some goddamn peace and quiet.

Their argument has even spilled out to other Guardians. A great deal of the Hunters, about a third of the Warlocks, and Freya are siding with Ikora and demanding justice for you. The Titans and another third of Warlocks are standing by Zavala, and you can most certainly bet that Desire is right along with them. I can’t be in the same room as the two of them anymore because they’ll get into a screaming match and add to my stress. 

As for where I stand, I feel that Ikora makes the most sense. Leaving things as they are would be a disgrace to your memory. But at the same time, Zavala does have a point. We’re still stretched thin as it is from the Red War, with so many Guardians dead and the City still under...well, you know... The rest of the Warlocks can see both sides of the issue and are not sure what can be done. I think they're trying to stay out of it. Can't blame them, really.

In short, the situation is a complete dumpster fire. You remember what I do in the event of a dumpster fire? I freeze like a deer in the headlights and I run as far away as I can. And by run I mean take on crap-tons of patrol assignments in several different places. Yay, running from my problems!

First things first, though, I felt it was only right that I go to Nessus and break the news of your passing to Failsafe. She...did not take it very well. Or at least...as not well as an unshackled A.I. with a split-personality disorder can take. I gave her mainframe the best attempt of a hug that I could, and then Ghost and I sat with her and talked for a while. I felt terrible that I had to tell her. It’s already bad enough that she lost the entire Exodus Black crew and is stranded on an unstable centaur that’s crawling with Vex. Now she’s lost you, one of her newest friends in a long time. I dunno how I could’ve stayed sane if I was her. She requested that I take care of some Fallen patrols trying to scavenge her for parts (again), and then I went and sat in our spot. Remember our spot? Cradled in the biggest tree of the Tangle, hidden away from the Vex? It was where you took me on our first date, cause you knew how much I loved the Tangle. It’s such a pretty and tranquil spot. All you could manage was some candles you stole from Ikora cause they smelled nice (how can you even smell?? One of life’s greatest mysteries I suppose), a blanket taken from the Exodus Black, and two cups of instant ramen you had stored in your ship. You insisted on doing this before I left for Io to find Ikora. It was miniscule and thrown together, but I loved it. I could tell how special you wanted to make it, despite being in less than favorable circumstances. I think that’s what made me fall for you even more...

Anyway, after swinging by Io because Asher saw I was in the area and demanded that I help him with some of his experiments, I came back to Earth to help Devrim out in the EDZ. Hawthorne was there too, surprisingly, when I got to his church tower. Wanting to check on things at the Farm, I had assumed. She gave me a very awkward hello; I know emotions aren't her strong suit, so I mumbled a reply and then got to work. I practically threw myself into any concerns posted my way. Mostly just Fallen being their thief-y selves as usual, and breaking up some straggler Red Legion patrols. I did get to break up an attempt to resupply their Ether, though. The Servitor they brought in was HUGE.

You would've had so much fun with that. I can picture it now; you calling up your Golden Gun, me with my Stormtrance; we could've taken them all down in no time flat.

I guess I went a little overboard on the patrol assignments, though. Devrim and Hawthorne kept giving me looks every time I asked for more. It was nearly night when Dev cut me off, saying he needed to sleep. I understood, and went and slept in my ship. Though I didn't really sleep. I _couldn't_ sleep. I kept going back to that day; that horrible, awful day. I keep seeing you struggling to breathe; the gaping, smoking hole blown into your chest; the mangled remains of your leg; the smashed in side of your head; the pieces of Sundance scattered around us. And Uldren’s smug fucking face as he tauntingly waggled the Ace of Spades and turned to leave. The ones he helped escape—his so-called “Barons”—sneering down at you before following their liberator. You wanting me to tell Zavala and Ikora that you were sorry. The life and Light draining from your optics, and your hand going limp in mine.

I woke up in tears, finally realizing what I was doing to myself. I sobbed and sobbed until I had no more tears left, and Ghost made it a point to cuddle up close to my neck. He said the most heartbreaking thing he had ever heard in his existence was me screaming out your name in agony. Honestly, I can't imagine how I must have looked in that moment. I'm not sure I want to, either. The Hero of the Red War; Savior of the Light; the Traveler’s Chosen—reduced to a blubbering mess. Curled into a fetal position in a tiny corner of her ship. Never had I felt so vulnerable, so helpless. Not even when my Light had been taken away and I was stranded in a Cabal-controlled City with only an empty sidearm and a Ghost that couldn’t revive me. I felt humiliated; that I'd let myself sink this far into grief and self-pity, while your killers were still at large.

It was at that moment that I had come to a decision. I knew what had to be done. And I was determined to see it through, no matter the cost.

I made my way back to the Tower. It had started raining pretty heavily then, with thunder and lightning and everything. I had to be careful. I made it back, and Master Rahool pointed me in the direction of the Vanguard’s conference room. I knew what I would find when I got there, and sure enough, Zavala and Ikora were snarling at each other. Zavala had made a comeback regarding that he refused to let any more friends die on a wild goose chase. Perfect opportunity.

I will make him pay for what he did to you and Sundance. I will take back the Ace of Spades. I will put down these Barons so they can't hurt anyone else. And I will do it with or without Vanguard approval. And so, dripping from the downpour and illuminated by the lightning crashing through the door, I made my declaration to them.

  
Uldren Sov...is _mine_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering who Freya and Desire are, they are the other members of Jo's fireteam. Freya Gale is a Human Hunter who runs Nightstalker, and Desire-1 (pronounced like Desiree) is an Exo Titan that runs Sunbreaker


	3. Declaration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Jo's announcement, and memories that came with it.

Caydie,

Do you remember the party that the Tower had after I defeated Ghaul? The one that celebrated the Traveler’s awakening and the return of everyone's Light? I was just thinking about that earlier: the drinking, the laughter, and the two of us dancing the Tango to an old, pre-Golden Age song. You probably remember the drinking part the most; Hell, you’d tried to challenge Shaxx into a drinking contest. Ikora had to step in before anything could even start, as I recall. None of us wanted to deal with your extremely hungover asses in the morning. Because if there's one thing Ghosts can't heal, it's hangovers. 

I remember standing in a corner off to myself, watching other Guardians dance. It was quite comical to see all the interesting moves people had, especially when a great majority of them were drunk. Ghosts were kinda circling around each other and bobbing up and down to the music, which I guess would be their way of dancing. Sundance was like the belle of the ball, twirling around from one Ghost to the next, happy as could be. I didn't think I'd ever seen her let loose like that before, but it was refreshing. Especially after the nightmare we'd all been through. 

I remember Ghost doing his own little solo dance above my shoulder, humming along. At least he finally got the damn Pacific Arcology jingle out of his head. He was driving me insane humming it all the time. I remember seeing your crazy moves on the floor with a couple of your Hunters and it was all I could do to keep from laughing. You always had to be the life of the party, no matter the situation. You were mirroring Sundance without a care in the world. Your good cheer was infectious, and I had found myself smiling hugely. 

I'm thinking about it now...and I wish we could have more of those times. 

The situation right now is...I'm not even sure how to describe it. Tensions have dulled, thank goodness, but everything has come pretty much to a standstill. I guess Ikora and Zavala have finally caught on that their little spats are leaking out into the rest of the Tower, and have diffused the tempers; at least for now. But that doesn't mean people still aren't torn. Freya and Desire are still not speaking to each other civilly. It’s gotten to the point where I’ll immediately leave the room if one or both of them enter. Because they’ll both try to get me on their side, and I just don't have the energy to deal with this bullshit. 

Not as much chatter around, either. It’s eerie to walk anywhere and just hear next-to-dead silence (dammit with that again!). Even Shaxx is quiet. That alone is quite worrisome. The only one I can definitely hear every now and again is Amanda. Trying to keep her spirits up in light of the situation. But a lot of times when not many hands are around, I’ll catch her holding back tears. Bless her. Bless her so much. There’s no doubt in my mind you’d be proud of her.

Unsurprisingly, Zavala is not happy about my intentions of hunting Uldren down. He has since forbidden any other Guardian from the Reef, for fear of starting a war with Prince Son-of-a-Bitch and his Barons. But he also has no intentions of stopping me. I mean, he did at first, but he’d said something about it “being an insult”. He can’t give me his blessing, he said. And he warned me that if I do intend to go through with this, then I am on my own.

That’s fine though. In a way, it’s better like this. I was with you in your last moments, I should be the one to pull the trigger on Uldren. To have him look me in the eye again, this time to plead for his pathetic existence. The only other person worthy would be Petra, but I haven’t heard from her since...well, you know.

Ikora was the most vengeful that I’d ever seen her, and it was actually pretty disturbing. But it's obvious that your death really hit her hard. She’d kept talking about your horrible jokes and even worse timing. But she’d wanted to laugh even so. Officially, she can’t help me. I knew that. But she unofficially gave me a tip to where I might begin my hunt. 

The Tangled Shore. A desolate and notoriously lawless place, according to her. Just the sort of place Uldren could hide out in. 

Before I left, though, Ikora had mentioned that the Traveler has been speaking to her. Visions, she’d said. And if I were to start seeing the visions too, then I should investigate further. I don't know what that means, really, but I'll be sure to do as she instructs. Ikora is never known to do or say something without good reason. 

You know, I think she'd make an excellent Speaker. But then again since the Traveler is now awake and can speak for itself, the position has been rendered pretty much useless. I dunno. Just a sidenote thought, I guess.

When I was gearing up to leave, who would show up but Freya and Desire. Again, I'm not wanting to put up with their bickering any longer, so at first I didn’t say anything. But I’d known that they had heard what I was going to do. Like I said before, word travels fast around here, even despite Zavala’s best efforts to prevent it. My declaration is all anyone is talking about. 

Desire looked like she wanted to try to talk me out of going. I think she was even about to, because she opened her mouth and immediately Freya elbowed her in the abdomen (I think she was trying to aim at her stomach, but missed because Desire is so tall.) That shut her up. 

I turned around to face them and none of us said anything for a while. It was still raining heavily. Desire weakly suggested that I at least wait until the storm stopped, but I declined. I reasoned that the longer I wait, the more damage Uldren and the Barons will cause. I could see in their eyes that they were worried for me. Terrified, even. They feared I was willingly going to get myself killed. They feared I was turning myself into a martyr.

Maybe so. But I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing. It would be a disgrace to your memory. Not to mention a bad look for all Guardians if (and when) word gets out to the City.

That was hours ago, now. I left with their parting words to take care on my back, after promising I'd send a message every now and again to ensure them I was still alive. I guess I can kinda understand. It looks awfully suspicious how I'm leaving after avoiding them for so long. They haven't seen me interact with many others, either. I can't fault them for worrying. Admittedly, they may get on my nerves when they argue (which is a lot), but they're still practically sisters to me. It feels good to know they care.

I'm going to try to get some shuteye. Ghost has the ship on autopilot, but it'll still take a while until we reach the Reef. And the Tangled Shore. He says he'll wake me when we get close.

I'm going to do this, Caydie. I'm going to avenge you, and make that princely bastard pay for taking you away from us. I swear it.

Your Dragonfly,

Jo-Nora

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you wondering, the song she's referring to in the beginning is "I Need a Hero" by Jennifer Saunders. i saw a video tribute to Cayde with that song and it gave me the most beautiful headcanon for him and Jo, so I had to include it! I saw another one with "Last Dying Breath" by Sabaton and I'm wondering how I could incorporate that into this.
> 
> I had an idea for a oneshot collection of things for all three of my Guardians, serving as kind of like character studies. Let me know if that would be something you'd be interested in too!


End file.
